Category: Excursuses

94. hurricane

No walls can keep me protected, no sleep, nothing in between me and the rain. And you can’t save me now: I’m in the grip of a hurricane. I’m gonna blow myself away.

I’m going out, I’m gonna drink myself to death. And in the crowd I see you with someone else. I brace myself ’cause I know it’s going to hurt, but I like to think at least things can’t get any worse.

No hope: don’t want shelter. No calm: nothing to keep me from the storm, and you can’t hold me down ’cause I belong to the hurricane. It’s going to blow this all away.

I hope that you see me ’cause I’m staring at you, but when you look over you look right through; then you lean and kiss him on the head, and I never felt so alive.

And so dead.
– Florence Welch

Just needed to get that out of the way. It’s appropriate for my mental state today since I had some rather unpleasant dreams last night about Seth that have left me kind of depressed and moody today.

This won’t be so much an excerpt as a publishing of my cast list for the novel. It’s always evolving as new characters introduce themselves, but this is the main cast of characters that appear consistently throughout.

Dramatis personæ

The Mortals

Kiera Adler, a shop girl
Russell Jaffree, an eleven-year-old boy
Katherine Jaffree, Russell’s mother
Harry Royston, a taxi cab driver
Maris Jurczyk, proprietor of TheBonum FerculumDiner

Edward Montrachet, President of the United Colonies of America
Charles Berne, chief-of-staff to Edward Montrachet
Calvin Wescott, a male escort attached to the President

The Oracle
The Passenger

The Gods

Apollo, also known as Bragi, also known as Lugh
Athena, also known as Scathach, also known as Minerva, also known as Gefjon, also known as Nissaba
Camalus, also known as Ares, also known as Chernobog
Lir, also known as Poseidon, also known as Neptune, also known as Aegir
Loki, also known as Prometheus, also known as Gwyddion, also known as Enki
Odin, also known as Zeus, also known as Jupiter, also known as Dagna, also known as Marduk

The Dark Ones

Dominique, also known as Hel, also known as Hades, also known as Cernunnos, also known as Mot
Rose, also known as Nemesis, also known as Var, also known as Shiva
Méabh, also known as Nyx, also known as Nótt
Clay Toneco, also known as Tezcatlipoca

The Dreamless Ones

Dana Salo, also known as Aphrodite, also known as Venus, also known as Freya, also known as Ishtar – the president of Joutsen Cosmetics & Spas
Thérèse Konen, also known as Thalia – Dana’s personal assistant and one of the Graces (“Abundance”)
Agatha Belecourt, also known as Aglaïa – the head of Joutsen Cosmetics and one of the Graces (“Splendor”)
Allegra Freudlich, also known as Euphrosyne – the head of Joutsen Spas and one of the Graces (“Joy”)
Chloë, also known as Ceres or Anu – the owner of a flower shop in Manhattan
Pete Cochren, also known as Hermes, also known as Mercury, also known as Ogma, also known as Namtar – a stock trader

Huginn and Muninn, ravens of Odin’s
Sleipnir, a horse and sometimes centaur (when he feels like it)
Ratatöskr, a squirrel

73. reading

This weekend was marked by the big move from NE Minneapolis, where I’ve been living since April, back to Saint Paul. Now, any move can be difficult, but mine was made rather arduous by virtue of how many friggin’ books I own and have to tote around with me whenever I change residence (which, thankfully, isn’t too often).

Last night while doing some unpacking and sorting of books into their respective places on shelves, I realized that there were a lot of Christian and religious books from my college days and that it was high time to get rid of them. For one reason or another I’ve held onto them, mainly because I bought them and they represent a link with my religious past, but last night I decided that it’s time to clean house in a literal and metaphorical sense and break ties once and for all with that past. So, this afternoon, I took a box and a bag full of books over to Half Price Books and got $18 for the lot. Not a lot, but it was a tangible something at least.

To give you an idea of the sorts of reading I was assigned to read in college (and some were also gifts from my parents), as well as the kind of thinking and worldview I was surrounded by growing up, here is a complete bibliography of the books that were sold this afternoon:

  • Arthur, K. (1992). Lord, I want to know you. Portland, Or. : Multnomah.
  • Arthur, K. (1995). Lord, teach me to pray in 28 days. Eugene, Or. : Harvest House Publishers.
  • Bevere, J. (1994). The bait of Satan: your response determines your future. Orlando, Fla. : Creation House.
  • Bruner, K. D., & Ware, J. (2001). Finding God in The lord of the rings. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House.
  • Cahill, M. (2004). One thing you can’t do in heaven (5th ed.). Rockwall, Tex: Biblical Discipleship Publishers.
  • Dalbey, G. (2003). Healing the masculine soul: how God restores men to real manhood ([Rev. ed.). Nashville, Tenn. : W Pub. Group.
  • Fry, S. (2000). I am: the unveiling of God. Sisters, Or. : Multnomah.
  • Gerali, S. (2006). Teenage guys: exploring issues adolescent guys face and strategies to help them. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan.
  • Guyon, J. (1984). Experiencing God through prayer. New Kensington, Penn. : Whitaker House.
  • Hamilton, V. P. (2001). Handbook on the historical books: Joshua, Judges, Ruth, Samuel, Kings, Chronicles, Ezra-Nehemiah, Esther. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Baker Academic.
  • Hybels, B., & Neff, L. (1987). Who you are when no one’s looking: choosing consistency, resisting compromise. Downers Grove, Ill. : InterVarsity Press.
  • Köstenberger, A. J. (2002). Encountering John: the Gospel in historical, literary, and theological perspective. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Baker Academic.
  • LaHaye, T., & Jenkins, J. B. (2001). Desecration: Antichrist takes the throne. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House.
  • LaHaye, T. F. (1996). Understanding the male temperament: what women want to know about men but don’t know how to ask (2nd ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich. : Fleming H. Revell.
  • Laszlo, M. (1998). Mission possible. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House Publishers.
  • Lucarini, D. (2002). Why I left the contemporary christian music movement. Carlisle, Penn.: Evangelical Press.
  • MacArthur, J. (1994). The Gospel according to Jesus: what does Jesus mean when He says “follow me”? Grand Rapids, Mich.:  Zondervan
  • Marrs, T.D. (1992). Dark majesty: the secret brotherhood and the magic of a thousand points of light. Austin, Tex. : Living Truth Publishers.
  • Means, P. (1999). Men’s secret wars. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Revell, 2006.
  • Noland, R. (1999). The heart of the artist: a character-building guide for you & your ministry team. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan Pub. House.
  • Packer, J. I. (1993). Knowing God (20th anniversary ed.). Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press.
  • Piper, J. (2003). Let the nations be glad!: the supremacy of God in missions (2nd ed.). Grand Rapids, Mich. : Baker Academic.
  • Piper, J. (2008). Spectacular sins: and their global purpose in the glory of Christ. Wheaton, Ill. : Crossway Books.
  • Piper, J. (2009). This momentary marriage: a parable of permanence. Wheaton, Ill. : Crossway Books.
  • Piper, J. (2006). When the darkness will not lift: doing what we can while we wait for God and joy. Wheaton, Ill. : Crossway Books.
  • The practice of the presence of God. (1982). Springdale, PA. : Whitaker House.
  • Schreiner, T. R., & Caneday, A. B. (2001). The race set before us: a biblical theology of perseverance & assurance. Downers Grove, Ill. : InterVarsity Press.
  • Smalley, G. (2004). The DNA of relationships. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House Publishers.
  • Sweet, L. (2003). Carpe mañana. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan.
  • Tenney, M. C. (2001). Interpreting Revelation: a reasonable guide to understanding the last book in the Bible. Peabody, Mass. : Hendrickson Publishers.
  • Toomey, S. K. (1986). Mime ministry: an illustrated, easy-to-follow guidebook for organizing, programming, and training a troupe of Christian mimes. Colorado Springs, Colo. : Meriwether Pub.
  • Weary, D., & Hendricks, W. (1990). I ainʼt cominʼ back. Wheaton, Ill. : Tyndale House Publishers.
  • Welch, E. T. (1997). When people are big and God is small: overcoming peer pressure, codependency, and the fear of man. Phillipsburg, N.J. : P&R Pub.
  • Westermeyer, P. (2001). The heart of the matter: church music as praise, prayer, proclamation, story and gift. Chicago, Ill. : GIA Publications.
  • Wilkinson, B. (2000). The prayer of Jabez: breaking through to the blessed life. Sisters, Or. : Multnomah.
  • Williams, T. M. (2005). The heart of The chronicles of Narnia: knowing God here by finding him there. Nashville, Tenn. : W Pub. Group.
  • Witherington, B. (1995). Conflict and community in Corinth: a socio-rhetorical commentary on 1 and 2 Corinthians. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Eerdmans [u.a.].
  • Wood, R. C. (2003). The gospel according to Tolkien: visions of the kingdom in Middle-Earth. Louisville, Ky. : Westminster John Knox Press.

Scientists say the human body is worth about $4.70 in materials – that is, the various chemical components that go into the physical making of a person. Of course, the actual value of a human life is worth infinitely more—but as mere flesh and blood, we’re pretty cheap.

For all of the 28 years that I spent learning about Christianity; the hours spent reading the Bible, sitting in church, and praying – that all comes out to a whopping $18. That’s about four times what the human body is worth, but I wish that time had been better spent. However, I wouldn’t be who I am without that, so maybe it’s not a total waste.

70. restructuring

This afternoon there was a story on WHYY’s Fresh Aire about the radicalized Evangelical movement that’s been behind Rick Perry’s campaign, gathering support and adherents to both their movement and to Perry himself, who doubtless they see as the man raised up by God “for such a time as this” (to quote Esther 4:14). And it’s their mission to “take back” politics, business and culture for Jesus. This is apparently a group of true “prayer warriors” who literally go around conducting spiritual warfare, driving out demons they believe have dominion over an area. (This also includes praying the demons out of gays.)

I’m reminded of what the Angel tells Prior in Tony Kushner’s Perestroika, the second part of Angels in America: “YOU MUST STOP MOVING!” Fact is, if this extremist Christian movement has their way, this is precisely what would happen. We would be hurled back decades. No further progress would be made as humanity waits for the return of Christ and the “end of all things.”

What they want is a theocracy—which is as much to say a theocracy with themselves at the top, just beneath God, to oversee these “seven mountains of culture” the article references with an eagle eye as the God-appointed Morality Police, much in the way that Oliver Cromwell and the Puritans cracked down on what they saw as immorality in England after they sacked Charles I.

So here’s my Crom-Orwellian, worst-case-scenario imaginging of an America run by these “Ravangelicals” (Radical+Evangelical):

Arts and entertainment would be highly censored and flung back into the 1950s, or even further back to a Victorian era morality; where all entertainment is wholesome and “family friendly;” and all to the “glory of God.” The media itself would be tightly regulated, with censoring standards even stricter than they currently are. No “alternative” lifestyles would be portrayed: only that which the Church deems “appropriate for God-fearing Americans to aspire to.” In extreme cases, blasphemy would be a capital offense.

Family would be the cornerstone of society, with single-parent homes penalized and women forced to return to their pre-Feminist roles as homemakers. Divorce would be strictly illegal, even in cases of spousal abuse, and adoption limited to homes only with a husband and wife. DOMA’s legislation would be expanded to not only protect and elevate the nuclear family, but also recriminalize fornication and sodomy. Abortion, family planning and contraception too would be illegal, since to engage in any of these would be to interfere with God’s design for life and sexuality.

Government would be stripped down to its essential functions and run strictly according to Biblical precepts, with Christianity the strong-armed law of the land. Only those who espoused Godly values (regardless of the prohibition of a religious test in the Constitution) would be allowed to hold public office. Business too would be tightly regulated and Old Testament governances, including the Sabbath, reinstituted.

Education would be overseen by the Church, as it once was, and would be largely religious in nature as it used to be in Colonial and 18th-century America. Curriculum would be subject to the approval of the NEA, who would regulate what information is to be taught in the classroom. Creationism would be taught as fact, and any science that does not promote a theocentric universe would be banned. Sex ed would not be allowed since that is the purview of parents within the home.

No religion other than Christianity would be tolerated. Tax-exempt and non-profit status would be stripped from any organization that was not Christian in nature or function. Church attendance and a minimum 10% tithe would be mandatory (the IRS overseeing implementation and enforcement). Any non-fundamentalist or liberal theology would be either censored or closely monitored.

Well, that was fun. Taking the peep-stones off now.

66. surprise

This morning on Twitter I saw a story from the Advocate about a church sign in North Carolina that was smashed and vandalized because of its anti-gay message:

GOD LOVES GAYS
BUT HE HATES A
PERVERTED LIFE
STYLE (sic) ROM.1-26-27
TURN OR BURN

The woman from the church, Anna Benson, who put up the sign in the first place, seems genuinely surprised that anyone would have found that message offensive. “I love the gays,” she said. “I love everybody.” The pastor of the church supports the message too, stating that it’s based on “biblical truth.”

Yesterday I came across an interview with Michelle Bachmann responding to questions from David Gregory on Meet the Press about her stated positions on homosexuality and her support for a same-sex marriage, amongst other things (the entire interview was about twenty-five minutes altogether).


At one point in the conversation, the following exchange took place:

“That is the view that President Bachmann would have of gay Americans?” Gregory asks (after playing an excerpt of her speech at the 2004 National Education Conference).

Bachmann responds, “I am running for the presidency of the United States. I am not running to be anyone’s judge.”

“But you have judged them,” Gregory continues.

She looks a little taken aback. “I don’t judge them,” she replies, and then later adds, “My view on marriage is that I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, and that’s what I stand for; but I ascribe honor and dignity to every person, no matter what their background.”

There’s a tragic, profound disconnect here between word and action. Both Bachmann and Benson are either unable or unwilling to see the implications of their positions. They see homosexuality and the person as two different entities: a natural playing-out of the “love the sinner, hate the sin” mentality that I grew up with. That’s an appropriate approach to take with, say, a five-year-old hogging the bricks in the playroom or Wynona Ryder shoplifting; but a propensity towards selfishness or a willful breaking of the law is a world away from a sexual orientation. Psychology and science are finally affirming what so many of us have known our whole lives: that, as Lady Gaga sings, we were born this way. Or if we weren’t that our sexuality was shaped in the same way that a heterosexual person’s is.

Yet this is precisely what my parents and most everyone else in the Evangelical camp continue to assert: that homosexuality is a choice, blindly in the face of mounting evidence from all sides, and that it is something that can be “cured” (or “prayed away”). And for them it absolutely has to be, or else their theological house of cards falls to pieces. Because if the Church is wrong on this issue, what else are they wrong about?

What this view allows the conservative Christian Right to do is dehumanize the GLBT community. Without a face there’s no human collateral. Rather, it’s an impersonal “agenda” that’s threatening your family, your children, your home and your way of life. An agenda can’t be hurt. It can be legislated and discriminated against without impunity. It can be vilified and demonized.

I wonder if Michelle Bachmann or Anna Benson could continue to believe what they do if they sat in a hospital room with a couple being separated because the law didn’t recognize either partner as next of kin. Or an afternoon with Bradford Wells and Anthony Makk, who is being deported back to Australia, even though they have been together nineteen years and were legally married in Massachusetts seven years ago (DOMA prohibits the federal government from recognizing their status under the law as a state-approved married couple)–and Makk is Wells’ primary care-giver (Wells has AIDS). Were they a married couple, Makk could not be deported. Heterosexual couples do not face this scenario.

With the mobilizing machine of the Tea Party, there’s a strong likelihood that in the next presidential election a Republican could sit in the Oval Office (most likely Rick Perry, if my reading of the GOP is accurate), wielding influence and power and armed with a deliberate religious and extreme right-wing ideology to craft public policy that could have very real implications for the GLBT community in particular. It’s this dual-mindedness that allows their indifference and bigotry to thrive in conservative corners of politics and mainstream America, fueled by the voices of Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and the denizens of Fox News and other conservative pundits.

It wouldn’t bother me so much either if it were just the pundits, the Glenn Becks, or the Rush Limabughs doing the ranting. They have a constitutionally guaranteed right to do so. However, We the People of the United States–e pluribus unum–are not sending elected officials to state and federal office to promote their personal or religious ideology. We elect and appoint judges who are studied in law and we expect them to apply that law fairly and without prejudice or bias. (That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.) Similarly, we elect public officials in our representative democracy to uphold the Constitution and to be the voice of their constituents. How often do judges have to make rulings that conflict with their personal beliefs? They will often say so in their dissenting opinions, but must abide by stare decisis, whether or not they agree.

Perhaps I’m being idealistic here, but I rather think politicians should be held to the same standard of upholding constitutional law rather than their religious or personal moral beliefs. They are elected to represent the People as fairly as possible, not “their” segment of the population. Will Michelle Bachmann stand up for gay Americans? Likely not.

The scales of public opinion are shifting ever-so-gradually towards a positive attitude of same-sex and other “non-traditional” relationships. But if the religious Right has their way, all of that could be undone with a few well-worded speeches and the stroke of a pen.

64. b-side

BACHMANN SETS NEW TONE WITH BRAVE NEW ALBUM

July 18, 2011

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, in an effort to court GLBT voters who, up until recently (and for good reason), had felt justifiably distanced from the GOP presidential hopeful, partly due to her controversial positions on women’s reproductive rights, homosexuality and slavery, today released a brave new album of campaign tunes with covers of Lady Gaga, Queen, Melissa Etheridge, Rufus Wainwright and Cher songs in hopes of winning over skeptical voters. The 52-minute LP includes anthems such as “Don’t Hide Your Love,” “Turn the Beat Around,” “I Will Survive” and “Y.M.C.A.”

The album’s rousing titular track, Ozzy Osbourne’s 1980 classic “Crazy Train,” sets a breakneck pace for this pounding, bluegrass-infused record, which features her husband Marcus on their renditions of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” and ABBA’s “Dancing Queen,” with cowbell credits on Diana Ross’ “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.”

The album rounds off with a moving piano ballad—Dusty Springfield’s “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me,” with an exposed and vulnerable Michele at the keys, her soulful vocals providing the perfect close at the beginning of what is likely to be an exhilarating campaign, hopefully with her gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered supporters at her side.

Because if anything can unite these two sides on common ground, it’s bluegrass and gay anthems.

###

Just to cover my bases, this is not—I repeat NOT—an actual news story (though it would be pretty damned hilarious if it were). It came from the recesses of my imagination, my fear and loathing of Michele Bachmann, and was inspired by this weekend’s episode of NPR’s Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!

50. hipsters

Read this passage today on one of the blogs that I follow:

Christians are engaged in a whole set of revolutionary, subversive practices, while failing to notice their significance. Simply to say that Christians are those who always go to church on Sundays may be a more significant practice than we realize… In a world where work is integral to worth, where the majority of our neighbors see Sunday morning as a time to go to the lake or to mow their grass, just getting up, getting dressed, and going to church becomes a sort of non-violent protest, a way of saying, ‘We want a different world than the one you serve.’ Just teaching our children that we go to church, without being able to explain the ‘deeper significance,’ might have immense political significance.

Hauerwas, Stanley, and William H. Willimon. Resident Aliens: A Provocative Christian Assessment of Culture and Ministry for People Who Know That Something is Wrong. Nashville: Abingdon Pr., 1999.

033. provocations

Going into this week a little less rested than I’d like to be and more depressed than I’d like to admit. Went out on Friday night with some friends of friends, got very drunk (and still managed to take care of people who were more drunk than I—not that they gave a flying fuck either way, apparently I’m that forgettable), wrote a six-page letter, and ended up sleeping on a couch alone with a cat (I’m allergic, by the way).

I’m starting to feel bitter again as the holidays roll closer. Had a sudden flash of anger tonight, the root of which was the frustration of feeling that even after making an effort and trying to care that I’m not noticed or remembered. It surprised both me and my roommates a bit. I’m tired of being the friend, of caring about other people and receive little more than indifference in return. I feel like Pagliachi—ever the comic relief getting the lovers together, but ends up alone and unloved while everyone else finds happiness.

Not looking forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year, or my birthday next year (about three and a half months from now.

I miss physical intimacy so fucking much, and sort of wish I hadn’t experienced it, because the absence now is absolutely killing me. And I know that going into a relationship, or even just seeking it out, looking to fulfil that need is a bad idea. But I so desperately want it that I’m afraid of not being able to control myself.

This is the loneliness talking.

Sometimes I wish that I could just be attracted to women. It would be so much easier to find a mate. At least if she’s female you have a chance. My dating pool is significantly more limited since it’s harder to find the guys that I’m interested in (which you might call “straight-acting,” a term I abhor, but for lack of a better definition am obliged to use).

I just don’t want to be 40 and single. I don’t even want to be 30 and single. 27 will probably be bad enough.

Happy Monday.

021. boon time

One of the favourite parts of being a homosexual male that I’ve discovered (apart from guys) is being able to give complements to my female friends without their worrying if I’m attracted to them. I can be completely honest if I like her new haircut, or a new shirt that looks very good on her.

Granted, she has to know that I’m a homosexual first. As we’ve established, I’m not immediately obvious as such, and such comments could be taken as a come-on.

So if I complement you, don’t worry. It’s completely platonic.

020. hope

Accoridng to CNN, You-Know-Who is scheduled to sign a memorandum today granting health care and other benefits to the same-sex partners of federal employees.

That’s charming considering that last week the Justice Department filed a motion in support of the Defense of Marriage Act.

Same song, different verse. He may not be sidling up like George W did with fundamentalists, but it looks like there’s not much hope for change with this adminsitration that campaigned on hope and change.