46. company

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Lately blogging just hasn’t been a huge priority, life taking primacy. This whole health care debacle has me reeling, trying not to freak out and plan out some sort of response to what lately has been increased government intrusion into our lives. I gave my roommate specific instructions not to give out any information on me on the Census apart from the fact that I live there, as per the Census Act of 1790. For me, the Constitution trumps everything. Presidents and lawmakers come and go—the Constitution has stood firm for 222 years. That says something.

So with the arrival of Spring comes the arrival of a new guy in my life. And, as seems to be the way with me, he lives all the way out in Seattle. There just aren’t any decent guys in the Cities, especially those who have managed to hold onto their Christian faith and still take it seriously, and of all issues that’s my dealbreaker. I did meet this new guy online, though it wasn’t planned that way. He seemed like an interesting guy and I was curious how he’d managed to work through a lot of the issues that we face as Christian gay men. We struck up a conversation, emailing back and forth for a few days, then moving to IM, and last week we started talking on the phone. And I really like him, and he seems to really like me.

Perhaps I should say seemed… because he’s disappeared, and I have no idea to where.

Last Friday we talked for a bit after he got off work (he’s two hours behind Central time) and was about to drive home, and when I called to check on him he was on his way to the ER to get a nasty cut taken care of and then fill out paperwork. He sent a text at 9:42pm saying “Sorry this is taking so long” and then the grid went silent. He wasn’t online, he wasn’t answering his phone, he wasn’t responding to texts. Sometimes his phone is on, sometimes it goes straight to voicemail.

So I don’t know what to think right now. I’ve left enough messages and sent enough texts now that he knows I’m concerned. There’s a chance he had to go to New York for work, but I’d like to think that he’d tell me about that. My imagination is running wild, and after a conversation with my sister yesterday my confidence is even more shaken.

The added confusion is that I found the company he works for online and decided to see if they knew anything. They’d never heard of him. So now I really don’t know what to think, but there’s a lot that doesn’t add up with all this, and until/if he calls back, we’ll never know. If he does, I’ll have some questions for him. If he doesn’t, then we’ll know that he was shady business.

My younger sister doesn’t understand why this is such a big deal, “finding someone.” I pointed out that she was in Our Town, in which one of the characters observes, “People are meant to go through life two by two. ’Tain’t natural to be lonesome.”

When it comes down to it, what I’m longing for is true, intimate companionship—and she had the nerve to give me the dictionary definition of the word. (She’s 22, by the way, and very cynical about relationships.) Friends and family are fine and well, but it’s nice to have someone close. She seems to think my angst is about needing someone, and she believes you must have your shit all together before you can be in a relationship. Personally, I know that I’m a mess, but I’m willing to own up to that and my selfishness, to give 100% to whoever I’m with, and deal with the dross that will come to the surface (and it will).

On top of all this, the antiobiotic I’ve been taking for the last two weeks for the respiratory infection of doom has inexplicably caused an allergic reaction in the form of angry red, blotchy hives that now cover my body. My ears feel enormous. My face, arms, hands and legs itch like mad! It looks like a nasty sunburn that just irritates the hell out of me.

What irritated me even more is that when I called the nurse helpline, right before she started the interview to figure out what was wrong, she wanted me to know about options that Obamacare offers for health and wellness (or some bullshit like that).

Moral of the story: this is all Obama’s fault.

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