41. deschutes

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For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. – 2 Corinthians 4:6-10 (NASB)

I went on my first, official, declared date as a gay man tonight. Met him, of all places (surprise, surprise) online, on OkCupid, one of the more reputable places for such sordid activities. The guys there seem less interested in just random hook-ups and more in finding something long-term. Of course there are always those trolls, but so far they’ve seemed of a better ilk there.

… so soon, so soon,
And the crows they swoon
At the two red holes
In his right side, oh…

So my date tonight was a 30-year-old guy from the southwestern suburbs. We’ve been emailing and texting for the last couple of days, and we both had free-time tonight and decided to meet up, mainly to imagine the possibility of dating together. I think we both went into it with few expectations other than to see if we were at all compatible, and that’s pretty much how it went. He was cute, and a nice guy, but it was clear from the beginning that he was just too effeminate for me. (The really creepy thing is that he reminds me a lot of my sister’s husband.) He has a lot of baggage from past relationships, doesn’t have a clear direction on where he wants to go in life; and an top of that, he didn’t know who Douglas Adams was, hadn’t read much C.S. Lewis, and in general wasn’t the intellectual or spiritual package I’m looking for in a guy. He was a music major and is into musical theatre, so we ended up talking for about five hours, but that’s probably as far as this is going to go. And then I ended up giving his car a jump because the battery was dead!

So we keep looking, try not to think about the fact that I’m terrified that every guy I date is going to be like this, and that he is out there. Somewhere.

Does anyone know how to make a Bat-Signal for masculine (i.e., “straight-acting”) Christian gay men?

… it’s gonna take a long, long time
But we’re gonna make something so fine…

Listening to Laura Viers new album right now and absolutely loving it. I actually got it a couple months back, way before the actual public release, when she opened for The Decemberists late last fall, and fell in love with her songs. Her lyrics are pretty great. Here’s one of my favourites:

July Flame
Sweet summer peach
High up in the branch
Just out of my reach

Can I call you mine?
Can I call you mine?

July Flame
I’m seeing fireworks
They’re so beautiful
Tell me why it hurts

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