030. derivatives

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Quick update.

Tonight, Aaron and I had a chat on Messenger that at first was a catastrophic blow-up and nearly ended in us never talking again. Basically, we both felt hurt and were trying to leave the other feeling more hurt.

But then we both softened a little and were able to talk rationally, and we were both able to admit that we missed each other, and that we don’t want to lose contact. So in the end it was a good conversation; he didn’t mean the things he said in the letter; and I didn’t mean any of the nasty things I replied with either.

So while we’re not lovers (eros), we are at least on the track to being friends again (philia).

And his “date” turns out to be this queeny guy who he’s using for dinner and movie tickets because he’s broke. The guy has tried putting the moves on him a couple of times, and Aaron’s just not interested in that.

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6 thoughts on “030. derivatives

  1. Amelia

    Hey guy…

    Regardless of opinions about being gay or not – this relationship is wrong. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER. He’s using and abusing you and you need to get out and stop talking to him.

    Anyone who would say the things he said (and do the things he does and did), well – he doesn’t love you. To be completely pop culture – He’s just not that into you.

    Friend – you deserve someone who lights up when you walk in the room (and not because you’re carrying munchies that he’s craving because of the pot!). You deserve someone who shares LIFE with you – not just sex. You deserve someone who will complement you and gets you. The trouble with getting close to people is that the closer you get – well, the easier it is for them to make potshots that sting deeply. But relationships ARE based on trust – whether gay or straight. This JERK named AARON (never liked people named Aaron…) is NOT FOR YOU. Maybe I’m the only one who reads your posts – but who cares!!??!! You’re not alone in this world or in your beliefs. Stay true, Dav. Stay true.

    • muirnin

      Amelia,

      Did you read the next post? I wrote this between reading the letter and having a huge fight with Aaron, and then both of us came clean that we were basically trying to hurt each other and that we really do want to be friends. He said he didn’t mean anything that he said in the letter and was trying to drive me off and apologised for everything. He just feels like nothing in his life ever works out, and this was sort of a final betrayal.

      There was also a voicemail that didn’t get delivered earlier that would have prevented this whole misunderstanding, but in a way it’s for the best. He’s not quite over me like he said he was, so for him to come up here again probably wouldn’t be the best idea. He’s planning to spend New Years in Texas with a friend, and may move out there eventually. He loves the desert.

      But yes, I do want all the things you said, and if I’ve learned anything from this it’s that I need to stay true to myself, and more so need to pursue Christ. That has gone to the wayside, and I’m seeing the negative fruit in my life.

      The whole lighting up should be mutual too, and I want to be the sort of person who lights up anyone’s life, not just a significant other. And I want to be excited about someone too, and want to be better for them. So thanks for caring, reading and worrying. It means a great deal.

  2. Still messy, but it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. My friend Jenni and I dated for 9 months…and when we broke up because I came out, it took us over 2 years to get back on track. Friendship is hard!

    • muirnin

      Oi, I agree. However, now that we’ve said and cleared up a lot of the un-said things, it seems we’re able to communicate more honestly and openly, without worrying about a relationship. Again, we were both more attracted to the idea of each other, so now that we’ve come into the light of reality it’s so much less awkward. At first he thought I didn’t want anything to do with him, and I thought he was still angry and didn’t want to hear from me. I’ve never broken up with someone before, especially long-distance, so it’s good that we’re at least talking. He does feel bad, and I’m still trying to put all of this in perspective.

  3. Amelia

    OK – I understand a little more now…. This does remind me, though, of something I brought up with you on the phone a few months back.

    So many people in the gay community are angry. For whatever reason (and the reasons aren’t really the point), it seems that so many are just on the brink of exploding – like they are stretched to the max and will completely snap at the drop of a hat. I don’t want that for you (for you to be like that), but I also don’t want you to end up with someone like that. Aaron’s reaction only adds to my strong belief in this. Be very, very careful, my friend. And yes, pursue Christ. Read His word – not for strictly intellectual endeavors – but to see what He’s trying to say to you – in your heart.

    We both love you and care alot about what happens to you. Be careful and proceed with caution. Your heart is worth far more than you realize.

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